Birthdays suck
by Awatere11
Summary: DeeBeader is having a born day and mine sucked the big one this year with not a single gift, even though my family did remember just not care... however those I have found through this place are wonderful and DID remember, your wishes worth more than you realise. And so my dear DeeBeader, Happy Birthday ... this is for you xxxxx
1. Chapter 1

Ianto glowered as he scrubbed at the sleeve of his shirt, the stain definitely set now as the argument continued around him.

"Well, I thought the lid was on!" Owen yelled, in full toddler mode as he stomped his foot, "Gappy is the one who left it loose!"

"GAPPY!" Gwen screamed, "Jack, he just called me…."

"STOP IT!" Ianto roared, throwing the cloth into the sink and turning to face the team, Jack's mouth open to scold as Gwen stood pointing at Owen.

Ianto knew what was about to happen and was about to say something when Owen leaned in and bit the finger.

Cue the screaming.

Ianto looked at Jack who was starting to laugh as he watched the two argue and he sighed again as he looked around the mess that had been created by the grape juice.

"Right. I'm done" he said as he started to leave the kitchen and then looked around the room.

"Oi! Who's cleaning this up!" Owen yelled.

"Not me, it's my day off and you called me in for this shit" Ianto swung to face them and then his cell phone went off, his glare deepening as he looked at the screen and then muttered "Perfect, just fucking prefect only half the day gone before you remembered me."

He answered as he fumbled with it and inadvertently turned the speaker on and a voice said "Hello Squidgy, how is your day going so far?"

"Wanna hear how my day has been do you?" Ianto said with dripping sarcasm as he took it off speaker. "Really?"

They all blinked as their usually dower butler suddenly exploded.

"I woke at 3am when a cat down in the alley had a fight with another cat…like…fucking big one…maybe a lion came to Cardiff or maybe it was a weevil who ate the fucking thing from the arse up…all I know is that it was fucking loud!" Ianto flapped his arms and everyone blinked again, "A weevil? Don't ask…Then I finally get back to sleep about six only to get woken by the rubbish truck at nine…then…and here's the good part, then I go out to see if the paper's there and someone took a shit in my potted colour. Right there, in the fucking pot! Believe me, I know human shit when I see it, I've cleaned enough of it up!"

Ianto's finger pointed at his shoes and everyone looked down, "Then … A phone call from the Boss because he can't find a file he needs desperately right now! …. Like … really, my day off and I'm called in for a file I know is on his desk? Then I go to get dressed and I open the dry cleaning bag to find a wedding gown in there…. A fucking wedding gown. My three piece smoke and peppermint ensemble is not there, a feckin wedding dress for some midget with a waist the size of a ….a….Barbie doll … I hope she looks good in her photos…then…then after I rethink me entire wardrobe I step outside me gate to find another shit…. I hope not from the same source as the first lot but unfortunately definitely not seen before my oxfords found it and I have to scrape them off and then scrub then, change into another pair and I get in my car to find the gauge is on E. E! EEEEEEE!"

Ianto is now looking directly at Jack " _Someone_ used my car and never even topped it up after traipsing all over the countryside doing god knows what to the undercarriage…. Oh yes … E. I drive to the service station and fill it up, pay the terrible price of petrol theses day because I do not have a company card…. Oh no … god forbid Ianto needs to fill his car because his boss is a prat!"

"Shit" Owen said softly, "Third person, I'm gonna bounce."

He started to edge for the door as Ianto took a breath and continued while stepping into the doorway and glaring at Owen, "Then….guess what happens next. Guess. You'll never guess, I didn't guess. I was like… surprised. You know it takes a bit to surprise me as you know, so… you can imagine my surprise to finally get to work and find some little fucker had parked his piddly little cake mixer he rides about pretending it's a motor bike in my fucking spot."

Owen freezes.

"Then!" Ianto huffs, "I finally get into the office and my computer is in bits because someone wanted a piece of it to fix…something… and now the orders I have been filling out for the week to send today are gone. Gone. Hours of lists and diagrams for…head office… gone!"

Jack grimaced as he heard that his monthly report for the Palace had gone, looking at Tosh who paled as well and whispered to him "Sorry Jack, I never thought … I didn't know Ianto did the reports on that one."

"And then!" Ianto was getting to the best part and his snorts of sarcastic laughter told them all so "then the little rat faced fuck grabs a bottle of grape juice off the big titted one and shakes it. Shakes it. Every fucking where! All over my pristine fucking kitchen, PURPLE!"

"I think he's reaching critical mass" Tosh whimpered as Owen patted his packets for a hypodermic.

"Big tit….did he mean me?" Gwen asked the room with shock.

"Oh god, and I know why you are ringing. You want me to drive all the way to the estates so I can be reminded of the shit box I was born in and you refuse to move out of even if I keep offering the money in my bank account that I will never spend and when I die you will have anyway but no…no…. you live where Mama's blood stain from the time Da smashed her face into the doorframe mocks me…oh yes … happy fucking day."

He stopped ranting, the person on the other end talking as he listened, then snorted, "Right. Like the time you got me the bottle of wine then drank it?"

They all wondered who the hell it was he was talking to now and he sighed as he scrubbed at his face.

"Rhia. Are you fucking kidding me? You are ringing to ask me to come around to babysit while you and the fat fuck go out for the evening? You know… it's bad enough someone I thought I was sort of semi-dating forgot what day it is but you too? Really?"

Ianto slumped like someone had let the air out of him and then he said softly, "No. I am not babysitting, I am not filling out forms, I am not Weevil hunting, I am not washing anyone's slime covered clothes…I am not cleaning the purple dripping kitchen either. I am going to the bottle store, getting a bottle of the good stuff and then going home to lock my door and get nicely sozzled."

"Yes"

"That's right. Ah, well … look at that. 19th? Is it?" his sarcasm is cutting, "Well. Go figure, just another day in August huh?"

"Yeah. Well, thanks I guess but it sort of loses its spark when it's forced. Go ask Sheryl next door." Ianto frowns at the floor. "OK. Bye."

Ianto slips the phone into this pocket and stared at the floor for another second then looks directly at Jack.

"Do not come to mine. Do not send flowers and do not think I will forget you did this" Ianto said softly, "You of anyone should know the date I was born, almost as important as I day I will die but maybe it's not. Not important at all."

"Ianto…"

Ianto stomped off and Owen turned to Jack, "It's his Birthday?"

"Yeah"

"We forgot again?" Gwen wailed, "Damn it, two years in a row?"

"Jack!" Tosh said softly, "It's marked on your calendar."

"I know. I even looked at it and wondered what the red circle was for" Jack sighed, "Fuck. He didn't say anything about not ordering him a pizza though."

Jack went to order a pizza delivery from the 'other' store and pulled his credit card out to pay as he hoped they could put sorry on it spelt out in the BBQ chicken Ianto likes so much.

Ianto hates his birthday.

No one ever remembers.

To him is says they don't really care enough to.


	2. Chapter 2

Ianto opened the door to look at him and Jack knew the pizza had not been enough, the malt whiskey he was holding was looked at with more interest than the package in his other hand.

Ianto reached for the bottle, "Nectar of the gods."

Jack followed the man into the flat, pushing the door closed with his foot before toeing off his boots and looking at the suit crumpled on the floor, Ianto in just boxer shorts and a flapping robe…. Yeah he was a slob in the house and Jack loved his socks. Little cat paws padding across the floor. Yes, despite Ianto's large….ah….self… his feet were quite petite.

Not true that saying ya know.

Ianto found glasses and Jack was pleased to see two, maybe almost forgiven so he sat and watched Ianto pour the golden liquid, then he drank the entire glass in one gulp, gasped and coughed as he struggled to refill it then sit back while sliding Jack's to him. Jack reached for it and noted the pizza box. Jack flicked the id of the pizza box open to see a couple of slices gone and the sorry still intact.

"Yeah, yum" Ianto reached for a slice and sat back chewing as he sat back, "So?"

"So. Gwen decided she had caught something from the bite so Owen said she needed a tetanus shot to the arse, I got some pics with the phone for ya, I think Tosh recorded it, then after she realised it was a nerve blocker she tried to chase him and did like a weird zombie dance thing around the Hub … check the tablet"

Ianto pulled it out and watched Gwen wobble and smash about with his smile slowly flickering to life.

"Then … I remembered the pizza needed whiskey and ice-cream"

Ianto's eyes side to him, "Ice-cream?"

Jack nodded at the other thing he had with him and Ianto growled as he dragged it over to find slowly melting coffee and chocolate chip ice-cream. Jack had known to leave it next to the heater to melt, Ianto's ice-cream headaches not something to laugh about and he looked at Jack lovingly.

Forgiven.

"Two spoons?" Jack rose as he offered, retuning to find Ianto holding the container up to his lips drinking from the corner, his look of shame so sweet with the ice-cream moustache.

"Ahhhhh, darling you are sozzled."

"Nishion acokpllllllshhhhht!"

"Mission Accomplished?"

"Yesh, hold me!"

Ianto slammed against him as he took Jack's glass and downed that as well, Jack grimacing as he wondered how the mixture of food would go then he remembered Ianto's constitution was ironclad and held him with a loving rub to his back as he snored.

He didn't even mind a little drool.

Really, the comment about his death had shaken Jack in a way he couldn't explain. The knowledge that even though he didn't know when it would come to haunt him, he knew it would come too soon and he eventually lifted his lover to carry him thought to bed, the soft fart as Ianto settled in his arms enough for a giggle to start that Jack knew would make the struggle more real.

Finally in the bed, the robe on the floor and the Welshman snoring fitfully Jack went out to clean everything away, the morning Welshman would be suited and booted like nothing was wrong, no sign of a hangover or bed tum …. Oh no. Not this one. He was bulletproof…

Jack sat on the edge of the bed and sighed as he looked at him sleep.

One can dream.

With that thought Jack climbed in and snuggled into his love, giving thanks to the gods for the Born Day of this one, the gift that he really hadn't deserved.

"Happy birthday love"


End file.
